Lilly's Birthstory

One year ago today, our sweet baby girl was born into our family. I've never sat down and put her birth story on paper or blogged it. It's crazy how long our hearts take to soften our feelings about some things. Lilly was supposed to be a home birth, a water birth. Unfortunately it didn't end up that way. Knowing that we didn't have the maternity coverage for a hospital birth we explored our options. With prayer and educating ourselves we felt home birth was right for us. I never once felt that it wouldn't go as planned. My labor started at home in the middle of the night, we called my midwife. And by the time she arrived everything pretty much stopped. She said it could start back up again, and maybe not even for a couple more days. So she left, and Matt went to the store to get some food and some things to have on hand just in case in did start back up. And of course it did just a few minutes after he left, it seemed like he was gone forever. By the time he got home, things were moving along pretty well and my midwife was on her way over. I sat and waited and refused to get up until she got there, as soon as she arrived I got up to get into the pool. My water broke, and there was meconium. And it was thick. After checking me she felt like I needed to head to the hospital, she felt it was too thick and didn't want to risk anything. The midwife called 911, and from there it all kind of blurs together. I was in a lot of pain, strapped down to the bed, a ton of people asking me all the same questions, even though my husband (not in labor) could have answered them {and my midwife had all the same info}. I wasn't happy, I was trying to calculate all the cost in my head, and take in everything going on. At one point they thought she was upside down and then no she wasn't. All I wanted at that point was the epidural. It was almost like an outer body experience, thinking back to it I still can't believe how everything went down. My heart was a little broken and my mind was stressed. Shortly after the epidural she came. And Lilly being the sweet baby she is wouldn't cry. She was breathing just fine, but it took forever for them to give her to me. My midwife was right there with the nurse asking for the baby, so when the nurse left for a minute, Mary got her to cry somehow. {Most of us know Lilly cries just fine now, she's a little sensitive}. We came out of the hospital with 14,000 dollars of medical debt, and after months of fighting with ahcccs and being told we were 2,000 dollars short of qualifying. {thankfully, after fighting with the hospital they cut our bill down a lot} I felt like maybe we were wrong in our decision, of having another kid, home birth or putting our trust in a stranger to deliver my baby? I thought Heavenly Father planned for me to have a home birth. Of course I was wrong. He had much more in store for us, for me. But I have been able to grow closer to him through this experience. Especially when I look back on it and try to make sense of it all. I know that we needed to be tested. I feel peace now, knowing that I did my part and it was enough. I wonder sometimes if Heavenly Father's heart aches along with us in time of trials? Even though he knows the big picture, I wonder if he wishes we could see it too? But I know that if we put our trust in him, and do the things he asks to, he will show us the way. Even if it's bumpy or sometimes a mountain, we will learn to be forever grateful for those times. One year has passed, and Lilly is everything we imagined her to be. We love her so much. And are so blessed to have a happy healthy baby.